i’ve missed you too..

i decided to go and have lunch with jody today.. why not, it has become somewhat of a tradition on special days.. i used to be a little crazier and bring her favorite bagel with nova and cream cheese, but then i thought better of it..  leaving such a decadent lunch out there for the workers to just remove as soon as i left (or eat) didn’t really seem prudent this time.  so i brought my omelette and bagel and water and went to spend my lunch hour in solitude.

the day really has been okay for me.. so i get to the cemetery and there is a huge memorial of flowers in the vicinity of jody’s gravesite.. what is going on?  did someone go a little crazy this time around and deliver a flower shop?  after getting closer i see that there is a fresh grave directly adjacent to jody.  i bend down to look at the name, still typewritten from the funeral only a few days prior.. it was a man named adam rosenthal, a local cop who died on his way to work in a horrific car crash last week.. my heart sank, my mood went from somber to hysterical..  here is this guy, 39 years old, in the prime of his life, a wife and four kids at home, who went to work one day and never got there..

of course that was my first thought.. my second thought was a little more ridiculous..  omg were all these people standing on my jody during this guy’s funeral??  i panicked for about half a second then had to laugh through my tears.. come on amysue pull it together, that really isn’t important to dwell on..  but here is something that is..

i pondered this issue for a long time after jody died .. is it better to have the time, knowing that you are going to die, or the “here today gone tomorrow” way to go..  i realize there is no right or wrong answer to this question..  but seeing those fresh flowers today reminded me of fresh wounds and how adam’s family must still be in such shock.. i mean, we knew that jody’s death was imminent and we were still so numb for so long.. i feel for adam’s family and friends and can only say from my own experience that time does heal..

i still take solace in knowing jody’s wishes and the fact that i had the time with her to share, to learn, to say goodbye.  this young man’s family did not have that opportunity.. but flip the coin.. there was no suffering, no anticipation of what was to come.. no time to wonder..  i don’t know which is better or worse..

finally i take great solace in knowing that a police officer is next to my friend and protecting her..  rest in peace adam..

okay the title of this blog is divorce and the lottery.. but i guess it should be the other way around.. it’s lottery then divorce in this case.. now those who know me (most of my readers) know that i am a lottery player.. i do enjoy a big jackpot and have been known to stop in some seedy places to buy tickets..  well a few weeks ago we had a mega millions jackpot that was close to 400 million people.  no mega in florida but i had just happened to be in jersey and enjoyed buying tickets in my hometown liquor store (they guy was looking at me weird.. yeah i’m the same girl who bought jack daniels when i was 16)..

two winners and today they announced that the idaho winner is a 29 year old girl (she is just a girl) who has two young kids and an ESTRANGED husband..  hmm, this caught my eye..  i first thought, oh poor guy he shouldn’t have left.. then the kicker.. idaho is a community property state and a fault state!!  rukme??  i thought california was the only community property state left and that new york was the only fault state left.. apparently the potato people have it both wrong still.. 

so i did some research of my own and this is an open letter to that girl in idaho who is now in hiding.. i hope she’s reading this.. if any of you know her please tell her to read my blog.. free advice.. well first off, she’s probably fucked..  i read the state statutes and it seems that her loser of a husband (long arrest record, dui conviction, etc.. – no i did not date him!) is entitled ENTITLED (i know people hate that word) to half of her winnings.. we’re talking 90 million to him.. that’s a lot of booze!! 

i know i should have been a lawyer..  i researched and found one idaho statute (32-909) that reads “the earnings and accumulations of the wife and of her minor children living with her or in her custody, while she is living separate from her husband are the separate property of the wife.”.. there i breathed a sigh of relief when i read that statute cause that’s her out.. then next to the statute is written ”UNCONSTITUTIONAL”..  talk about a backwards state.. i think i’m gonna boycott french fries!!

okay girl here’s my advice.. get a divorce lawyer who will research every single idaho divorce in the last ten years..  if the original dissolution of marriage is filed on a certain date but the date of separation listed in the original dissolution of filing is different, you need to use that in court as precedent.. i know it’s a lot of work but you can afford it!!  many times couples will break up and live separately for months, even years..  in many states the law recognizes that you can backdate your dissolution papers to show that the marriage was broken at a date way before you file..  happens all the time.. so find all of those people in idaho where the Court granted the divorce based on an earlier date of separation..  you can easily argue that the date of separation was the date that your loser husband took off on a bender..  just find some of his bender friends.. they’ll back you up and it will only cost you a few bottles of vodka!!

the only reason i write about this today is because GMA had a segment yesterday about how facebook is wrecking so many marriages.. how about the minister in jersey who preached to his congregation that they should all be off facebook because it’s evil, only to finally come clean about his own indiscretions with a staffer..  practice what you preach old man.. another one bites the dust!  just annoys me cause i wrote about this very issue over a year ago.  i saw this implosion coming a long time ago.. i think i even called facebook “jdate for married people”..  haha i guess i was ahead of my time.

so now i think that anyone who was smart enough to get divorced before the whole facebook thing came into our mainstream lives should actually get a medal or some type of award for being a visionary!  i’m gonna call it the facebook divorce medal of freedom!!  and i’m awarding the first one to ME..

Gotta tell u about my new business. Yeah I’m at it again. Difference Is I think I have a winner this time! I’ve been flying in my entrepreneurial ventures as of late but I think I may have gotten it right this time.

If you have a business and u r not on facebook u need to call me. Or even if u have a business that is on facebook.. Are u updating it consistently & doing everything u can to grow your business? That’s where I come in. Check out my page & please join my page. I need your help to grow also. That is the beauty of fb. It is reciprocal networking. You join my page & I’ll join yours.. Sounds kinky but it works.

That’s what I’ve been busy working on lately. I’m still divorce coaching & busy with that too. I find that the more work I have the better I manage my time. Plus I am traveling a lot so working for myself does not suck! U should try it sometime!

Okay gotta get on the plane now. No more wifi… See u in sunny florida. It’s frigid cold in nj & I need to get home. Besides my kids don’t even know that I’m gone. Oh the power of cell phones!

www.facebook.com/socialmediaspecialists

Join my page & thank you!!

i have blogged before about how mcdonalds is not to blame for americas obesity issues.  i used to blame it on starbucks and i still do feel that people are walking around with 700 calorie lattes and they believe that they are holding a simple cup of coffee.. they don’t get that their cup of java is actually a milk shake.. but that is not what this blog is about.  i was just in orlando.. i was in harry potter world in universal islands of adventure.  i felt very skinny.

there is a drink that i had never heard of until my afternoon in harry potter world.  it is called butter beer.  and i am going on the record and going to say that i think that butter beer is the single most reason that america is fat.  it is to blame for the crisis that is americas fatness… never in my life have i seen a line around the block in order to buy a friggin soda!!  i mean, it’s not a ride, it’s a soda pop!!  i’m not talkin about a line like at a gas station after a hurricane when you know that the power is out and you want to get your bottles of water before they sell out or you want to get ice or batteries or toilet paper.. those things are needed and worthy of a line… even an ice cream store once in awhile near a beach, okay i can go with that.. but this line was like a 3 hour wait (no friggin joke).. all for a small mug (like 6 oz) of a fizzy cream soda like drink that not only is probably upwards to 800 calories because it looks like there is a layer of lard on top of the processed liquid.. but the thing cost $5.00 for just the drink, unless you want to buy the souvenir mug for another few bucks.. so you are in for like $8.00 with a free refill.. but get your fat ass back on that line sucker!!!  there aint no express pass for mug holders!!

i was both baffled and appalled at the same time..  now here’s the kicker.. it seems that the harry potter ride (yeah people wait on line for that too).. doesn’t tell you that you can’t be obese or else you can’t ride the ride..  apparently the seats are just a certain size and you sit four to a car, all horizontally next to each other.. and you have to be snug in your seats (trust me i’m still feeling it and i left my stomach on that stupid ride a few days ago).. well here’s a way that the park wastes your time, takes your money and you get nothing in return (while you are enjoying your 3 hour waited butter beer).. i watched a guy who was a few people ahead of us in line wait like we did for the hour plus in line.. turns out he must have weighed 2 or 3 miltons (mathematical equivalent 400 – 600 lbs).. sort of average for park goers yes?? well he got all the way up to the turnstyle and then the wizardly ride operator showed augustus gloop the door.. sorry sir you can’t ride you are just too big!!! rejected (bad egg).. oops wrong reference..  so the poor guy after waiting for hour plus had to leave through the side door (at least it wasn’t the chocolate river pipe).. and at least he was already done with his butter beer.. just in time to get back in line for his refill!!!

apparently, george’s wife gave him a kidney at some point in the duration of their marriage.  now i think you know where i’m going with this..  again, i have no idea if there was any prenup, if this was a long term marriage, etc.. but if i were the wife, i’d be wanting that kidney back!!  it is part of the equitable distribution package in my opinion!!  now here’s what he’s gonna say about the kidney.. he’s gonna say that it was a gift!  his lovely wife gave him a gift during their marriage.. but what is the value of said kidney?  there was a situation locally a few years ago where someone actually did give their fiance a kidney and the lawyers put the value in the prenup at 1.5 million..  but that was only in the event of a divorce.. that poor guy died and i don’t think he wrote in his will anything about the value of the kidney.. wait, back to george..

if a regular guy values a kidney at 1.5 million, what do you think a celebrity kidney is worth?  and if it was a “gift” like he said, did they pay gift tax on their tax return that year??  i doubt mrs lopez is gonna agree to go back and amend that return to reflect that lovely little line item.. so here’s my advice to the wife.. hold out for the community property settlement offer plus value of kidney… if you get any resistance, ask for the damn organ back!!!  all is fair in love and war and divorce and body parts…

the other day i’m on my way to a paralegal job.. in south miami.. i’m talking like tip of the florida keys, a good 60 miles from boca..  i never turn down these types of jobs because i make good money and i love to be in my car anyway.. it’s me, the open road, simba my lovely audi a4, and sirius radio all the way..  i’m just getting on the road to go south when i get a bbm from my brother (yes i read it while driving.. sorry oprah but i didn’t sign)..  it reads, “i have an emergency.  u have to go to wpb and pay my traffic ticket”.  so i’m thinking to myself.. west palm beach huh, that’s like 25 miles north of where i live and i just started driving south..  i bbm him back to call me cause i’m driving.. (yeah i admit that send me a ticket..)

so it turns out that my rockstar brother never bothered to finish his online traffic school for the ticket that he received while visiting me last thanksgiving for my son’s bar mitzvah (see blog around november 27, 2009)..  yeah he got like three tickets that weekend was quite funny when it happened.  but now it seems that because my fugitive sibling didn’t pay the appropriate fine that his license was going to be suspended in the state of new jersey as of the next day.. so i was his only hope.  wait you are probably thinking, “what’s the big deal, go pay the ticket.”  here’s the punch line..  he only owed 25 cents!  he shortchanged his payment check by a quarter and the county of palm beach (yeah the hanging chad county..) wouldn’t let him slide, nor would they let him pay online or over the phone.. so there goes amy.. finish in south miami, turn the car around and head north 100 miles to pay a 25 cent ticket.   it gets better..

$1.25 to park in the meter for an hour, i figure it can’t take longer than that.. go to traffic ticket hell office and there are easily 75 people sitting there.  i take my deli counter ticket stub and it reads 68.  i glance at the red flourescent bulb number that reads 20..  this can’t be happening.. for a 25 cent fine.  so i sit.. and sit.. a couple of nasty bbms to my brother and i sit.. and sit..  oh shit the meter..  i glance at the wall.. it’s been 45 minutes and the number is only at 37.. i run downstairs, out of the courthouse, down the block and deposit another 1.25 in the meter for another hour.. in case you can’t count we are up to $2.50 in meter for a 25 cent fine (not to mention the gas expense)..  go back upstairs, they are almost up to deli number 50..  we are getting there.. i bbm some more nasties to my brother and sit and sit.. finally 35 minutes later i hear the magic words.. “#68 to window #1″.. i jump up and run to the window.. i give the nice lady through the glass (bullet proof i’m sure) the citation number that has been emailed to me frantically from my brother’s secretary the hour before and she just stares at the computer.. “yeah”, i say very bluntly and sarcastically.. “it’s only 25 cents, you are seeing it correctly.”  she flashes me a smile which gives me cart blanche to give her every detail of my day like i’m giving you.. she is extremely entertained and i can tell that i’ve made her civil servant-ness much more palatable this day.. even the other offenders within earshot had a good laugh..  but here comes the real punchline..  i ask her if they accept cash and she nods in approval.. “yes, you can hand me a quarter”, she laughs..  oh but no, i’m not letting the county of palm beach off so easily.. i dig in my purse and find the shiniest 25 pennies i can gather and lay them on the counter!!  well the whole place just erupts in laughter and even i can’t control my sit down comedy at this point.. i actually took my act on the road!!  well suffice it to say, she accepted my pennies gladly, but not before i snapped a photo and uploaded to facebook.. this story was too good to keep to myself..

so my brother is not in jail and can keep speeding and parking illegally at his will.. i have helped him dodge another bullet..  that is because after i left the damn courthouse i had to run to fedex and send overnight priority to the state of new jersey department of motor vehicles his certificate of compliance and his receipt that he did in fact pay his fine of 25 cents.. so let’s calculate..  2.50 in parking.. probably 5.00 in gas, and 15.00 in priority fedex..  all for a 25 cent arrearage..  HA guess who buying drinks next time i’m in town??

so what have i decided to do with these 97,000 plus words that i’ve written the last 730 plus days?  well last week i actually printed out every word.. all 150 pages of text to see exactly how much content i have..  did you know that the average romance novel has about 40,000 words?  that means i have almost two full books!!  well really lots of this blog is pure crap and i’m sure no one really cares that grammy makes the best friggin apple pie this side of the mississippi.. but the trials and tribulations of my life in boca.. well that may be some content that could sell.. so i’m happy to report that i’ve started compiling my data and i’ve actually been writing!!  like really writing!!  like a book!!  since i’m kind of in transition right now i figure what better time than to write the book finally..  i’m hoping to have the full manuscript done within a month!!  yeah i know that’s kind of aggressive but what the hell else do i have going on??  my life is full of enough absurdities that i do get new material daily.  this town always gives me good fodder and plenty of good material.  but do i think that i have a bestseller in the works?? eh who knows.. but we shall see.. let me get going on it.. as of today i’m on page 15!!  yeah i’m moving right along!!  so if i don’t write the blog everyday you know i’m busy doing the heavy lifting.. i promise i’ll try and keep you updated as i get the chapters done.  so far i have my first few months of living in boca written.. looking back i realize i should have turned the plane around and went back to jersey.. oh well coulda woulda shoulda.. i’m stuck here, and you’re stuck with me…  let’s get it on!!